So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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