Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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