Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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