look no pants
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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