She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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