hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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