i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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