My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize