my text book just quoted the cookie monster
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize