i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize