The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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