New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize