Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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