Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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