I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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