Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize