We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize