I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize