I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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