I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize