I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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