I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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