During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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