I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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