its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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