My nipple is on Facebook.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
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is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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