Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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