I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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