people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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