we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
3 2 1 whiskey
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I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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