How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every concussion has its silver lining
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
