If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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