I wish I could teleport
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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