shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize