Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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