she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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