Plan B is the new Plan A
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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