She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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