I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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