I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I checked into jail on foursquare
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize