Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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