I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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