i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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