Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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