we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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