Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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