Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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