i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was not drunk enough for that final.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize