I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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