I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize