sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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